How To Fight Same-Sex Attraction
The Church must prepare itself to answer the many questions that same-sex attraction and homosexuality present. A friend of mine sent me his thoughts on how he has dealt with these issues in his own life. He says:
“The issue of homosexuality is one that has recently become a front-line war zone in our culture. Both sides of the issue have offered their opinions about how same-sex marriage will affect our society, as well as the other various issues surrounding homosexuality. However, there has not been much response from the Church on how to help our brothers and sisters who are struggling with same-sex attractions. Therefore, I offer four truths that I have learned on my journey of dealing with same-sex attractions. These are some of the truths and practices that I have found to be most helpful in battling temptation.
God is Glorious
As you read the Scriptures one theme rings out as the overarching purpose in all that happens: God is glorious and does all things for his glory. I’m listing this one first because I believe it is the most important. Having a vision of God’s glory is what fuels me in this battle. When I spend time beholding the beauty and majesty of God, seeing his love for me declared on the cross, then I am left in awe and driven to worship. The one who is all glorious is worthy of all praise. And the praise that I give to God is through the life that I live. The cross demands of me a life of humble obedience, but when you realize the One you are living for is glorious, you realize he is worth it. Understanding this glorious truth, I am able to say that more than I desire my same-sex attractions to be removed, I desire God’s glory. The beauty of the Gospel is that God is redeeming me and in some way he will use my battle with same-sex attraction for his glory. If you are going to battle sin in your life then you must have a vision of God’s glory.
Eternity is Coming
Same-sex attraction can be an overwhelming issue to deal with at times. It is easy to get caught up asking the “Why?” questions and become morbidly introspective, and that is why having an eternal perspective is important. When this battle begins to feel like it’s consuming my life I remind myself that this life is short and that the end is coming. Not only is it encouraging to be reminded that I won’t always have to battle against sinful desires, but thinking about eternity also reminds me of what is most important. An eternal perspective reminds me to focus my energy on knowing Christ and making him known. Let the hard times press you deeper into Christ and let them drive you to long for his return.
God is Sovereign
In understanding why I have same-sex attraction, the most comforting thing to me has been a deeper understanding and trust in the sovereignty of God. My struggle with same-sex attraction did not take God by surprise; it was not unexpected or unplanned. And while that doesn’t answer the question of why he’s allowed it, it does remind me that he’s aware of it and that he is in control. God knows the anger, frustration, and sadness I have felt because of this struggle. And in the midst of it all he gives me his presence to comfort me and to lead me through it. I know that God desires what is best for me and I know that he is sovereign; therefore I can trust him with this battle knowing he is using it for my good.
Community is Essential
Being in community where I can be open and transparent has been one of the most healing experiences. When God commands us to love one another and to bear one another’s burdens that includes the deep and personal struggles in our hearts. God has graciously provided brothers in my life on whom I can call during my time of need. When my faith is weak they are there to remind me of the gospel and of God’s faithfulness. When I am falling into sin they are there to rebuke me and help me to overcome. Through the church’s response to my struggle I have experienced the love and grace of God. Dealing with sin in your life is a community project; therefore, it is essential to be part of a local body of believers who can speak truth into your life.
Final Words
While the things that I have shared may seem more theological than practical, I assure you that they are indeed very practical. The only reason that I am able to daily deny myself and pursue righteousness is because of the truths I have listed here. I strive to be obedient to Christ because he alone is the one who can redeem me and he alone is the one who can satisfy. I was an enemy of God, and did nothing to deserve his grace or affection, yet Christ willingly came to bear God’s wrath for my sins so that I might be restored to fellowship with him. The joy found in following Christ surpasses all that this world has to offer. I choose to continue pursuing Christ and saying no to my same-sex desires because he is worth it.”
I deeply appreciate the honesty and candor in this post. Most of all, I admire the God-centered, Gospel-focused approach to battling sin and temptation that so often gets neglected in these discussions. Please feel free to weigh in with any comments or thoughts.
GB
Reblogged this on Matt Moore † and commented:
In this blog my friend, Casey Hicks, has shared in his own words four simple–yet profound and essential–truths that have helped him greatly in fighting his same sex attraction. It’s worth the read… and the meditation.
Wow, this is awesome and beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
My greatest sorrow has been trying to convey this same message to a Christian mother who’s 2 sons are gay and who roundly chastised me for not believing that God’s grace was sufficient to allow them to remain in their sin, because what kind of God would create them this way and then condemn them for living it.
Casey,
I’m a follower from M.M. blog wanted to thank you for this post. Think I will snoop around a bit longer here…..
Ciao
Awesome, Biblical perspective! Unfortunately, the topic of same-sex attraction (SSA) within the Church is one of the least dealt-with issues. There are sermons about sexual impurity in general, but it’s hard for individuals with SSA to trust others with that kind of deeply personal struggle. Homosexuality is probably the sin frowned upon the hardest within the Church, but to God, all sin carries the same weight. Because of the stereotyping and reputation that comes from the openly homosexual community and its advocates, church members struggling with SSA (and not even necessarily homosexuality) are finding it increasingly hard to open up about this area of their lives. They don’t want to be thrown into the same category as if they don’t care that they are struggling. Many Christians who struggle with SSA are fighting like crazy to deny themselves and be righteous, but they desperately need help. They are losing their grip because they feel alone. I know people who have given up fighting against their SSA because they felt like people outside the Church had more acceptance and love to give them than the Church! This shouldn’t be. That’s not how Jesus meant for us to live. Again, thanks for sharing this post. I’m glad that even baby steps are being taken to equip the Church for helping fellow brothers and sisters who struggle with this. I hope this post and future ones encourage church members world-wide. I pray that one day people won’t be scared to reach out to their fellow church members for help, love, and encouragement in this very real war.
But the reality is much harder..words sound good, but real life is different..many have left churches, because ‘ask in my name’ almost never worked..unfortunatley.
Praise The LORD. These point’s are applicable to any struggle as far as I can see.
Excellent!
Nox, I really don’t believe that all sin is looked upon the same in scripture, but you are correct in saying that there is a bias in the Church regarding homosexuality. ALL people need to find a place where they can be honest without fear of rejection. That place needs to be the Church of Jesus Christ.
Your friend’s post reads much like my life, and I too have decided to give glory to God in all things, even at personal cost. But in the long run it’s totally worth it! I am so thankful that the Holy Spirit is there to encourage and comfort me in my struggle to reflect God’s glory and grace in my life. Once one knows and understands the incredible value, love and importance of Christ’s trek to the cross for our sins, one can never look at life or this world the same way ever again! And my homosexuality loses its grip on my life thanks to the grace and life-changing power of my Lord and Savior.
Great story! I have been to these places too and found that, for me, my problems would come when I took my eyes off of God and began to be concerned about me (my wants and fears).
I’ve told this before in comments so one more time won’t hurt…lol I was praying, as I had many times, for God to change me. Over and over I would ask and did what Sergio said and it didn’t seem to work. This night in prayer God spoke to me and said, “Bryan I tell you what I told Paul. My grace is sufficent for thee. My strenght is made perfect in weakness.” I no longer prayed to be changed but that God help me to bear my cross with joy and peace. There were times in my walk that the desires would come so strong that I would give in. No I’m not perfect! God knows that and would forgive me because I was truly sorry. Many ups and downs must we travel but this world is not our home.
About 8 or 9 mths have gone by and I was hesitant to tell what God willed for me. I no longer feel those urges and when my past crosses my mind it very much disgusts me. Let me be clear, This is God’s blessing on me and He is the One that took them away!! I was not worthy of His mercy, I’m still not worthy, but I’m so thankful that He granted me freedom from those horrible desires. The longer I walk with Christ the more He revels to me. I believe that people with those feelings are special to God.
It is a heavy cross and to believe that before I was born God saw that I could bear it AND bring glory to Him. When the disciples said that it is better then if a man not marry, Jesus said, All men (mankind) can not bear this saying but to those to whom it is given. Jesus saw that it took a special person to do this! Then in Isaiah 56:3-5 “neither let the eunuch say, behold, I am a dry tree. For thus saith the Lord unto the eunuchs that keep My sabbaths, and choose the things that please Me, and take hold of My covenant: Even unto them will I give in Mine house and within My walls a place and a name better than of sons and of daughers: I will give them an everlasting name, that shall not be cut off.”
All praise, honor and glory to the Lord God Almighty!
I want to say again how much I understand and can relate to where this writer is coming from! I have attended Church most of my 39 yrs and I’ve watched the topic of disgust change from views on the way Christians are told they are to dress, then that topic faded and it was adultery that was the end all sin, now in the last few years homosexuals have become the deepest kind of sinner the “church” can imagine. I’ve sat through more sermons than I care to remember and in harsh words, (although they didn’t know about me) been brought so low that I thought, “There is no way I will ever be able too live right before God so I may as well just give up!”
That’s what I did, but let me make something very clear, we can walk off from God but He will never walk away from us. I believe we can loose our salvation by walking away from God. During this time when I fell back into my gay life, on nights when I was alone, I could tell and feel God wanting me to come back to Him! I’m so very thankful that He never gave up on me! I praise You and surrender to You Almighty God!
Anyone out there tonight feeling the unfocused strain of what the “church” says, I want you to know and believe with the strength you have left, that what the Preacher, Teacher, other Church members or even your Parents say, THERE IS ONLY ONE TRUTH AND IT IS FOUND IN THE HOLY BIBLE!! Read the King James Version for yourself, repent first of your sins then read it! Ask your new Holy Lord for
help and WISDOM! He is honor bound to give you wisdom. It will not all come at once but it will come. Then NO MATTER what any other person tells you, WAIT FOR GOD TO CLEARIFY THE SCRIPTURE FOR YOU! I love You Father God and I pray and ask in the name of Christ Jesus that you let someone be helped by this and God I beg You to remove and silence satan in their life and that You speak to them. Jesus you said in Matthew 14:12 & 13 ” Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I Virginia Ramey Mollenkott shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do, because I go unto My Father. And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If ye shall ask any thing in My name, I will do it. Now Lord we talk You at Your word, for it is impossible for You to lie and in Jesus name we ask that You meet this person’s needs and take their hand that they follow Your footsteps as layed out in the Bible! Thank You for hearing our prayers and for Your mercy and patience. Amen