Archive for July, 2012

Gospel-Centered Leadership

The phrase Gospel-centered gets much use these days. Books, blogs, and articles on what it means to be Gospel-centered seem to pop up every day. My aim here is to wrestle a bit with what Gospel-centeredness looks like when it comes to leading an organization such as a church, a bank, a school, etc.

What does the Gospel-centered leader (GCL) look like? How do they function day to day?

How does the Gospel bear weight on how leaders make decisions, hire and fire, and cast vision?

Here are a few qualities of a Gospel-centered leader.

They Love The Gospel

GCL’s love the Gospel. They love to talk about it, sing about it, and tell it to others. The death and resurrection of Jesus, and their union with Him moves their heart like nothing else. They never tire of hearing the Gospel or preaching it to themselves. The Word of Christ (Colossians 3:16) dwells deeply and richly in them. They define themselves as people loved by God in and through the Person and Work of their Lord Jesus Christ. Their identity, value, worth, and significance—their life is found in Him. Everything must begin here. If you miss this, you will end up using the Gospel to make a name for yourself rather than using the Gospel to spread the fame of Jesus.

They Invite Critique

GCL’s know that it took God in the flesh dying and rising again to save them. Therefore they know they are not beyond critique and error. They find ways to receive feedback and critique from their friends, spouse, staff, or co-workers. If their identity rests only Christ and if they are convinced that God is for them, as the Gospel clearly reminds them (Romans 8:32), then no amount of negative or positive feedback can shake their foundation. GCL’s work into their life and schedule other eyes and ears to help them lead as effectively as possible.

They Are Bold and Humble

The Gospel has shattered the pride of GCL’s, and yet empowered them to boldly trust in the grace and goodness of God when it comes to how they lead. They can make hard decisions without fearing the opinions of others but also admit their mistakes and seek restitution. They don’t slump their shoulders or puff out their chests. They are humble and strong, bold and gentle, confident and self-deprecating. Only by trusting the Gospel can one become this kind of leader.

They Bear More Affliction Than They Give Out

The great mystery of the Gospel is that the one who owed us nothing gave us everything. The one who knew no sin was made to be sin to make us righteous (2 Corinthians 5:21). The one who was rich became poor to make us rich (2 Corinthians 8:9). The blessed one became the Curse to lift the Curse from us (Galatians 3:18). Therefore the GCL will look and listen for ways to absorb affliction when he has every right to dish it out. Every leader has to bring affliction. They have to discipline, fire, layoff, cutback, reprimand, etc. But the Gospel shines brightly when leaders winsomely bear the bulk of the pain and blame, especially when they don’t have to. I am not suggesting that performance standards in the workplace or the church be lowered because of the Gospel. I am suggesting however that the Gospel calls us to, at times, shower undeserved grace (and all grace is undeserved) on those we lead.

They Have No “Game Face”

The Gospel doesn’t give us a game face to lead. The Gospel gives us a new heart filled with love and affection. It is not one more weapon in our leadership utility belt. The Gospel enables us to weep when it is time to weep and rejoice when it is time to rejoice. GCL’s don’t have to worry if they are performing correctly in a particular situation since their heart is buried in the Gospel. They are free to take the blame in situations and give praise in others. Their ultimate worth and value does not hinge on results or failure because, to be honest, they are not that concerned with themselves. They are free to be honest about a particular decision or result, admit failures and mistakes, and boldly trust in the God who took on flesh and died for them to carry them forward. GCL’s can afford to look bad in front of the team. They don’t have to take themselves too seriously. They can take a risk as quickly as they can admit a mistake.

Wisest Fool In The Room

The Gospel reveals to us that we are not wise. We must become fools in order to embrace wisdom. We become fools by embracing the foolishness of the Gospel. When leaders realize that it took Christ dying and rising again to save them, they never walk into a meeting with a swagger. They walk in confidently to be sure, but their only confidence is in the Gospel. They know that walking in their own wisdom only leads to pain and frustration. Proverbs is clear that being wise in one’s own sight is worse than a fool. Therefore a GCL is always learning and growing both in the Gospel and in leadership.

Takes Blame and Gives Credit

The Gospel is about an exchange, Christ takes our sin and we get His righteousness. He gets the blame for what we’ve done and we get the credit for what He has accomplished. Leaders are at their best when they are taking the blame and giving the credit to others. When things go wrong they are the first to take responsibility. When things go well they are the first to give the credit to those who work, prayed, planned, and performed.

Becoming A More Gospel-Centered Leader

How does one become a more Gospel-centered leader? Many ideas come to mind, but let me leave you with one: Exult in the Gospel. Only the Gospel can make you more Gospel-centered. Books on the Gospel, songs about the Gospel, and the culture built around Gospel-centeredness are gifts from God. But they are only echoes and scents (to borrow from CS Lewis) of the Gospel, not the Gospel itself. It is possible to love the idea of Gospel-centered leadership but not love the Gospel. So dwell in the Gospel. Exult in it. Learn about it. Meditate over it. Be open to radical changes God wants to make in you. Let it shape how you serve and lead those entrusted to you.

GB

*This post appeared on Trevin Wax’s blog Kingdom People.

2012
07/26
CATEGORY
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MEBC Adoption Stories: The Strodes

I am beginning a brief blog series on adoption. Several families at Metro East have either adopted in the past or are currently in the process. Below is my interview with Aaron and Laura Strode. The Strode’s are new member candidates at Metro East and they are currently seeking to adopt a little girl from Ethiopia.

Here is their story.

What led you to consider adoption?

Before we were married we discussed adoption and we thought it would be part of our plan to grow our family, we just didn’t know how it would come about.  The first four years of marriage were a blur, filled with Air Force pilot training, deployments and multiple moves.  But after four years we believed it was time to start a family. We tried to have children for more than a year before we were able to celebrate…Laura was pregnant.  Just one week into what we thought would be a great time of rejoicing we learned it was a tubal pregnancy and Laura required emergency surgery.  A week after the surgery Aaron left on another four-month deployment. After Aaron’s return, we had high hopes of getting pregnant again, but all the while the Lord begin to place on our hearts a desire to adopt sooner rather than later.

During this time we moved to Oklahoma and Laura began a round of fertility medication, and after six months of failure we visited a specialist. Throughout this time adoption was still on our minds and would be discussed in passing.  With the results back from the fertility specialist, we were shocked to learn we were both healthy and there was no clear reason for not having children.  Here again the Lord brought adoption to the forefront of our minds and we felt a conviction to that end after hearing Dr. Russell Moore speak about the gospel implications of adoption and his own experiences that are shared in his book Adopted for Life.

How long have you been in the adoption process?

To be exact, we’ve been in the process for 2 years, 2 weeks, and four days.

How has this process changed your relationship with each other?

The process hasn’t been easy, but it has been a time of great growth in our marriage and our walk with the Lord.  We have learned more about our individual strengths and weaknesses and we’ve challenged and encouraged one another through times of rejoicing and times of frustration.  It’s been another great reminder of the need to place Christ at the forefront of our marriage.

What are some of the challenges you’ve faced/facing?

Waiting on God’s perfect timing has been the greatest challenge we’ve faced.  By nature we are both impatient and there were times it was difficult to watch friends experience the joy of parenthood while we still waiting for a child we know nothing about. The Lord has taught us much about rejoicing with others and finding joy in sorrow.

What is God showing you through all this?

Three areas have really jumped out for us.  First, the process has been a continual reminder of the sovereignty of God and how His perfect plan far surpasses and satisfies our desires.   Second, the avenues and events God chooses to reveal His glory often aren’t what we are expecting or thinking they should be. Third, we are continually reminded of the gospel and the beauty of our adoption through Christ.

What is the current status of your adoption?

Just over 3-weeks ago we accepted a referral for a 9-month old baby girl.  Laura is traveling to Ethiopia for a court date on July 30.  If we pass court, Laura and our baby will stay with some missionary friends in Ethiopia until the U.S. Embassy issues a visa for the baby to enter the U.S.  We hope mom and baby will be back in the States in mid-September.

How has this process impacted your view of the Gospel?

Adoption paints a beautiful picture of the Gospel and the amazing work Christ completed to call us His own.  The loving act of adopting a child is a wonderful example of our adoption into the family of God. Russell Moore explains it best in his book Adopted for Life:

The sonship we have in Jesus applies to both men and women, to both slaves and free, to both Jews and Gentiles (Gal. 3:28). But it’s important that we see why that’s so. We have, as Paul writes, ‘put on Christ’ (Gal. 3:27) and thus share his identity as Abraham’s offspring. We are all then ‘heirs according to promise’ (Gal. 3:29). The Galatians–and all of us in Christ–have received adoption as sons.

Our Ethiopian daughter will share our identity. She will be our heir. She will be a Strode, belonging to us just as we belong to Christ. More importantly, we pray fervently for the day she will experience the joy of adoption through the Gospel.

What can you tell us about the child you are adopting?

We are adopting a beautiful 9-month old girl.  Beyond that we aren’t at liberty to share further details until the Ethiopian court declares she is legally our daughter.  We hope to be able to share more in just a few weeks.

What most excites you about adopting?

Adoption became our first choice, the best and only option for us right now, and we have been blessed to be on this journey.  Throughout the process we began to feel the love for our child taking root in our hearts. We don’t know what her personality is, or if she will even like us when we first meet, but we can’t wait to see what God has in store. The pure mystery of God’s plan for our family is thrilling.  Our children will not look like us in any way, and they may not even have any of our personality traits, but that makes it all the more exciting to see how God is going to work.

What most scares you about adopting?

The normal fears of becoming a first time parent, traveling and spending an extended time in a third world country, the first meeting, will she go to us or will she cry, how long will the bonding process take.

What would you tell other families considering adoption?

DO IT!!   No matter how difficult the process, how long the wait or even the unknowns, when God leads you, He will show himself to you in amazing ways.  Because there are so many options when considering adoption, commit your desires to prayer and seek the counsel of other families who have been through the process.  As He has for us, the Lord will open and close doors as you could never imagine.  When it seems that things aren’t going as smoothly as you had envisioned, keep moving forward.

How can Metro East pray for you over the next few months?

Aaron just left for a 3-month deployment and will be unable to participate in the travel to Ethiopia, so that jumps out to us right away, but several areas for specific prayer include:

  • Meaningful communication for us as were separated during these final weeks of the process
  • A smooth transition for our daughter as she moves from the orphanage and we begin the bonding process
  • Safe travel and opportunities to minister in Ethiopia
  • Most importantly, pray that this process will point others to the gospel. This process isn’t about Aaron and Laura, its about our daughter and the amazing work the Lord is doing in bringing her to our family.

Finally, we can’t say enough to thank the amazing people of MEBC for welcoming us with open arms over the past two months.  We have been amazed and challenged by your prayers, encouragement and offers to help.  We are blessed to share this journey with all of you.

2012
07/18
CATEGORY
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How To Fight Sin With The Gospel Part 1

 

Paul told the Colossians “put to death what is earthly in you” (Colossians 3:5). The reason and the means by which they were to do this is found in the previous verses where Paul rehearses the Gospel. He says, “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory” (Colossians 3:1-4). Here Paul includes the death of Jesus, the resurrection of Jesus, the return of Jesus and the believers union with Jesus. This is the Gospel. So Paul meant for Christians to put sin to death with the Gospel. So what does that look like?

1. You must know what sin you are fighting.
Paul lists particular sins in Colossians 3 and many other places. Sin is always specific, so the fight must be specific. The Gospel addresses all our sins. You must discover the sin that is lurking beneath the sin you are committing. You might be fighting lust, but what is lying beneath it? Perhaps it is a fear you are seeking relief from. Perhaps it is laziness that is preventing you from pursuing your spouse. Lust might be on the surface, but there is most definitely something else beneath the surface.

You do not however, want to overlook the fact that you are committing lust, but you must deal with it on more than one level. In most instances our sins spring from some lack of trust in the true God, and instead we cling to a functional savior, or idol, for our joy and hope. All of us have a center, something we cling to, something that drives us to do what we do. We all have something that gives us meaning and value and when that thing is threatened, we sin. This is why Paul spends so much time, especially in Colossians, rehearsing our identity in Christ. He wants us to know who we are and what we have in Christ. Tim Keller lists particular categories of idols that are helpful in identifying the causes of our sin in his book The Gospel in Life. He says:

  • “Life only has meaning/I only have worth if…”
  • I have power and influence over others.” (Power Idolatry)
  • I am loved and respected by _____.” (Approval Idolatry)
  • I have this kind of pleasure experience, a particular quality of life.” (Comfort idolatry)
  • I am able to get mastery over my life in the area of _____.” (Control idolatry)
  • people are dependent on me and need me.” (Helping Idolatry)
  • someone is there to protect me and keep me safe.” (Dependence idolatry)
  • I am completely free from obligations or responsibilities to take care of
  • someone.” (Independence idolatry)
  • I am highly productive and getting a lot done.” (Work idolatry)
  • I am being recognized for my accomplishments, and I am excelling in my work.” (Achievement idolatry)
  • I have a certain level of wealth, financial freedom, and very nice possessions.” (Materialism idolatry)
  • I am adhering to my religion’s moral codes and accomplished in its activities.” (Religion idolatry)
  • this one person is in my life and happy to be there, and/or happy with me.” (Individual person idolatry)
  • I feel I am totally independent of organized religion and am living by a self-made morality.” (Irreligion idolatry)
  • my race and culture is ascendant and recognized as superior.” (Racial/cultural idolatry)
  • a particular social grouping or professional grouping or other group lets me in.” (Inner ring idolatry)
  • my children and/or my parents are happy and happy with me.” (Family idolatry)
  • Mr. or Ms. “Right” is in love with me.” (Relationship Idolatry)
  • I am hurting, in a problem; only then do I feel worthy of love or able to deal with guilt.” (Suffering idolatry)
  • my political or social cause is making progress and ascending in influence or
  • power.” (Ideology idolatry)
  • I have a particular kind of look or body image.” (Image idolatry)

Then he looks more closely at the first four categories:

If you seek POWER (success, winning, influence)… Your greatest nightmare: Humiliation
People around you often feel: Used
Your problem emotion: Anger

If you seek APPROVAL (affirmation, love, relationships)… Your greatest nightmare: Rejection
People around you often feel: Smothered
Your problem emotion: Cowardice

If you seek COMFORT (privacy, lack of stress, freedom)… Your greatest nightmare: Stress, demands
People around you often feel: Neglected
Your problem emotion: Boredom

If you seek CONTROL (self-discipline, certainty, standards)… Your greatest nightmare: Uncertainty
People around you often feel: Condemned
Your problem emotion: Worry

This list can be helpful to discovering what is causing the sin that you are struggling with in order for you to identify it. Often, half the battle to fighting sin is being aware of the sin you are fighting. I would caution you however in the search for your idols. Idol searching itself can be an idol! You can focus more on your problems and sins and less on the finished work of Christ. Eventually you must admit that you will never fully know the depths of your soul. But this should not prevent you from keeping a close watch on yourself (1 Timothy 4:16).

To be continued . . .

2012
07/18
CATEGORY
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What’s A Young Mother To Do?

I found this article by Jane Ortlund while digging through the 9Marks site this week. She says:

Guilt is a young mother’s habitual shadow. It has a nasty way of soaking through many of her efforts at nurturing, serving and loving others. “Am I doing enough for my children? For others? What do they think of me? What does God think of me?”

As a young mother everyone wants something from you—your family, your church, your boss, your neighbor. And most likely, you give way more than you ever thought you could. But along the way guilt nibbles at your soul, eating away your inner peace and joy. And it often lingers through the years, even after your children are grown and gone.

Dear young mother, don’t waste your guilt!

DON’T WASTE YOUR GUILT

Don’t waste your guilt, but instead listen to it and evaluate it. Take it out of the shadows and examine it in the light of Scripture. Lay out your feelings before Christ. Is this guilt legitimate conviction of sin? Then confess your sin, receive his forgiveness and ask him where and how he wants you to change.

But maybe your guilt is a nagging, self-focused fear that if you were just a bit better or worked just a little harder, then you would be noticed and admired enough to feel okay about yourself. That is false guilt, rooted in pride. It will hurt your family and hinder your relationship with your grace-giving Father. If this describes your guilt, then remind yourself that through Christ’s death and resurrection, you’re accepted by God. The solution to false guilt, as to true guilt, is the gospel.

Paul speaks of these two kinds of guilt in 2 Corinthians 7:10. There is a godly grief that produces repentance, and a worldly grief that produces death. Ask yourself this question: is what I give my time and energies to driven by life-giving repentance or life-depleting pride?

A YOUNG MOTHER’S PRIMARY MISSION FIELD

One reason a young mother can feel wrongly guilty is that she forgets that her first and primary mission field must be her children.

God values children. He places great importance on our teaching our children to love and serve him (Deut. 6:7-9). Jesus became indignant when the disciples didn’t value the worth of children in God’s expanding kingdom (Mark 10:13-16). And God tells us that children are his blessing to us (Psalm 127:3).

Mothering calls for the best in us as women. As mothers, we shape the souls of our children and ultimately influence the world. Children are our gift to the future. So accept your calling from God to serve your family. It is not godly guilt that would call you away from a wholehearted investment in your little ones for his sake. Don’t feel guilty over making your children your primary ministry investment when they are young. You are teaching the younger generation to form intimate emotional bonds with others. Your sensitivity, availability, devotion, affection, and unhurried attention are irreplaceable.

MOTHERING: PLAIN HARD WORK

On the other hand, Paul’s word to me as an older woman is to “train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled” (Tit. 2:4-5).

Why does the apostle have to tell us older women to teach these things to the younger women? Because it can be hard to love your husband and children. In fact, it can be easier to minister outside the home. Why is it more rewarding for us to plan a ladies’ retreat for two hundred women than it is to plan an indoor picnic with our preschoolers on a rainy afternoon? I think it’s because the rewards are more immediate and the demands are not so steady.

Being a young mother is plain hard work. At times it feels like slave labor! Young moms can identify with the cartoon of a toddler looking at a wedding album with his daddy and saying, “So that’s the day Mommy came to work for us!”

But God has called you to this ministry. He knows there are no neutral moments in a young child’s life, whose experience is one of continuous need and development. Your children will bear the imprint of your mothering throughout their lives because much of human behavior springs from imitation.

You are the only mother your children have. Your ministry to them is the deepest expression of your love for them. Raising your children has to be done right the first time around. It is one of the few places in life where you can not say, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

You have received this commission from God. As a mother your privilege is to teach them how to respect their daddy and be kind to their siblings, how to choose good nutrition and wholesome entertainment, why they should value courtesy and orderliness, and which causes are worthy of their efforts, their reputations, and even their very blood.

Are you discouraged as you spend day after day immersed in the mundane tasks of mothering? Then think of the honor of guiding the spiritual and intellectual and social development of young minds and hearts. Think of the thrill of teaching them eternal truths from God’s Word. Think of the importance of teaching your young children how to live under authority, and of preparing them for future relationships by teaching them about love and trust. Think of the delight of sending one more godly, vibrant, strong, secure, loving young person into this needy world with the courage to live well for Christ’s sake. What a worthy investment!

WHAT YOUNG MOTHERS NEED: A HEART FOR THE HOME

Another challenge for a young mother is cultivating a love for the home.

God has called us to love our children from home base (Tit. 2:4-5). We can’t improve upon God’s design! This means more than staying at home. It means fixing your heart on your home. Women can leave their homes through more avenues than work or outside ministry. Cell phones, emails, and chat rooms can take a mother away from her primary ministry, too.

Ministry means being “all there.” It means rejoicing that you get to show your children how to peddle a tricycle, make their bed, build good memories, and share their toys with others. You serve your family, and ultimately your heavenly Father, by helping your child do that puzzle for the seventeenth time, by washing those sticky fingers, by planting a little garden, by acting out Bible stories and praying together, and by preparing for their daddy’s return as the highlight of your day!

What is the alternative? “A child left to himself disgraces his mother” (Prov. 29:15).

Remember this: you have the privilege of passing on to young hearts a sense of God! Should you feel guilty for that? As you let your children experience intimacy, nearness, and availability in their earliest years with you, you can point them to find those soul-necessities in Christ, their Savior, as they mature. And then you have the delight of sending them out with a light in their souls to bless this darkened world.

Someone is going to be influencing your children, inculcating values and imprinting standards on their impressionable young minds. Let it be you!

THIS SEASON IS JUST A SEASON

Does this mean you will never invest in others outside your family? Goodness, no. But if you are a young mother, use your primary ministry of mothering to guide your choices about where to serve Christ now. Don’t let anything woo you away from your unique role as a wife and mother.

This season in your life is just that—a season. And each season is a divine calling from our Creator and King. Organizing a new church event is important. Teaching your little boy to be kind to his sister is also important. But which one can best be done by you during this season? Serve God well by ministering to your children first. Very soon they will be grown and gone and all those uniquely teachable moments will be gone. And you will have ample opportunity to serve Christ outside your home in the seasons ahead.

“But you, take courage! Do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded” (2 Chronicles 15:7).

Jani Ortlund is a former schoolteacher and holds a master’s degree in education. She is the author two books, Fearlessly Feminineand His Loving Law, Our Lasting Legacy. Jani is the wife of Dr. Raymond Ortlund, Jr.

2012
07/13
CATEGORY
mothers
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Can We Be Angry At God?

Yesterday in my sermon on anger from Proverbs I dealt with three myths about anger. One of the myths I tried to disarm was: anger at God is okay. I think early in my Christian walk I believed this myth. When we are angry we always feel justified for being so and anger at God is no different. When He fails to answer our prayers or when He takes us through a difficult season of life, we can be prone to anger and frustration at Him. But is this justified? Should we be angry at God? Don’t the Psalms express deep disappointment and frustration toward Him? I believe that anger at God is never justified and should be guarded against at all costs. Here are three reasons why.

Anger At God Goes Against Scripture

The biblical position on anger is that we should be slow to anger (James 1:19-20, Ephesians 4:26, Proverbs 14:29), at the right things. We should be angry at sin, false teaching, injustice, etc. We should express this anger in appropriate and patient ways. But Scripture never commands us or exhorts us to be angry at God. Yes there are Psalms that complain and lament God’s apparent absence and lack of concern, but those Psalms are laced with hope, trust, and a resolve to wait on God. Psalm 88 is perhaps the darkest Psalm in Scripture. But what is clear in the Psalm is that he is suffering and hurting toward God, not away from Him. He says,

“But I, O Lord, cry to you;
in the morning my prayer comes before you.”

Anger shuns God. Anger puts a wall up between the believer and God. This Psalm, as dark and as honest as it is, moves toward God in hope and faith, not anger. God is his only hope and source of refuge and salvation. Scripture is clear that God is good and He does good (Psalm 119:68).

Anger At God Implies That God Sinned

When we are angry at God for not coming through for us, we are implying that God sinned against us. We know what is best and God needs to see things from our point of view. Anger at God attempts to de-god God and puts us in His place as the ultimate judge. We are saying that we know what is best, what is right, and God doesn’t. Should we express our pain and hurt and anger to God? Yes! But we should never do so in a way that implies that God should repent or that we have need to forgive Him. We can express anger and frustration with God without being angry at God. John Piper says, “It is wrong – always wrong – to disapprove of God for what he does and permits. “Shall not the Judge of all the earth do what is just?” (Genesis 18:25). It is arrogant for finite, sinful creatures to disapprove of God for what he does and permits. We may weep over the pain. We may be angry at sin and Satan. But God does only what is right. “Yes, O Lord God, the Almighty, true and righteous are Your judgments” (Revelation 16:7).

Anger At God Only Sees Half Of The Story

Anger is usually shortsighted. Anger rarely takes the longview of things. If we are angry at God, it is because we think our current situation is the final chapter in our story. But God is always working for the good 0f those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).We don’t always know what God is up to. We can’t see the whole picture, but faith and trust wait in hope for God. Anger rushes to judge God and hold him in contempt.

Conclusion

On the one hand we should definitely confess our frustration and pain to God. We should not hold in our feelings and emotions before Him. On the other hand, we should not be angry with God and accuse Him of moral evil and wickedness. We should be careful that we do not express disapproval in what He has done. We must learn to melt our will into His and trust that He is good and that He does good.

GB

2012
07/10
CATEGORY
Anger
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Links I Liked 7.9.2012

10 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Harry Potter: Keep Reading >>>

Should Churches Display American Flags In Sanctuary?: A Christian church has absolutely no business displaying a national flag in the sanctuary, at least not as it is commonly done. The church born at Pentecost was a reversal of Babel, not a doubling down on the fragmentation of Babel. Keep Reading>>>

Doug Wilson on Bloomington: Earlier this year Doug Wilson traveled from Moscow, Idaho, to the Bloomington campus of Indiana University to deliver a series of lectures on sexuality. In the weeks leading up to the event, articles in the student paper accused Wilson of being sexist and a homophobic racist. At the event, Wilson stood before a crammed lecture hall facing nearly 400 people, many of whom were angry protestors. Keep Reading >>>

An Apologists Evening Prayer: C. S. Lewis on defending the faith while trusting in grace. Keep Reading >>>

2012
07/09
CATEGORY
Links
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Links I Liked 7.2.2012

 

 

 

 

 

Why Women Still Can’t Have It All–July’s Atlantic magazine cover story features a highly successful working mother’s confession that women can’t have it all. Torn by the demands of a high-ranking State Department post in Washington and the needs of her family in Princeton, after two years Anne-Marie Slaughter found herself eager to return home to her husband and sons. Keep Reading>>>

Don’t Waste Your Divorce—Over the last few years, I have walked with two friends in particular through the bitter betrayal of a divorce they didn’t want. I wrote a few years ago on Pariahs and our subtle way of avoiding divorcees in conservative churches because they threaten our prosperity gospel that we don’t even realize we believe. I had dinner this week with one of those friends, and she shared such wisdom with me that she had me writing notes on napkins so I wouldn’t forget. Keep Reading >>>

10 Things Singles In Romantic Relationships Ought To Know— 1. It’s not bad to want to have sex with your significant other. It’d be another sort of worry if you didn’t. The key is to want to glorify Christ more than you want to have sex with each other. Keep Reading >>>

2012
07/02
CATEGORY
Uncategorized
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12 Questions For Fathers

Being a father is a great privilege and an even greater challenge. I have two boys that I love deeply. While I cannot guarantee that they will love Jesus and walk in the fear of the Lord, how I relate to them is a huge factor in determining the kind of men they become. Here are a twelve questions I try to keep in my mind as a father.

1) Is the Gospel at the center of your fathering?

Treasuring the Gospel shapes how you parent. The Gospel will not allow us to have any other goal for parenting except an all consuming passion for our children to know Christ. When who Christ is, what He has done, and who you are in Him seizes your heart, your fathering is radically altered. Much can be said here, but the main issue is whether or not you are, as a father, are treasuring the Gospel. Is the Cross your ultimate boast (Galatians 6:14)? Is the Resurrection your only hope for right standing with God (Romans 4:25)? Is the Slain Lamb the object of your worship (Revelation 4:12)? When these things are true in your life, you will be in a position to bear much fruit in your fathering.

2) Are you only mom’s sidekick?

Both fathers and mothers have a huge roles. Neither should be elevated above the other. But too often men passively stand by as mom does everything; discipline, encourage, play, feed, change, etc. For whatever reason, men often feel inadequate and ill-equipped to navigate the dangerous and unpredictable waters of parenting. They see themselves as the assistant parent, mom’s sidekick. But Scripture holds the father accountable for the children. Of the two verses explicitly referring to parenting in the New Testament (Ephesians 6:4, Colossians 3:21), both are addressed to fathers not mothers. The book of Proverbs is written from the perspective of a father to a son. The Bible expects, even assumes, that the father is the primary parent. Fathers should carry the burden of being the main parent. They must get in the game, encourage and serve their children, and lead their family well.

3) Are you neglecting quantity time in favor of quality time?

Somewhere along the way we’ve bought into the idea that quality time with our children matters more than quantity time. But what does this mean? I have a three-year old. He doesn’t understand the difference between quality time and quantity time. Eating a bowl of cereal with him is the same as praying with him. He just wants time! He wants me! To be clear, I am not minimizing the need to take long walks, engage in deep conversation, and have extended devotional times. But the only way these things will be fruitful is if you are with your children, and with them often.

4) Are you praying for your children?

The temptation to neglect praying for your children increases (at least in my case) the longer you are a parent. The lack of visible fruit can be discouraging. Resorting to the stock prayers for safety, health, and salvation is very appealing. But I want to encourage any father reading this to make a list of prayers for your sons and daughters and persevere in praying them weekly. HERE is a list that I use.

5) Are you a 2nd Shift man?

Fathers work a double shift each day. The first shift is at work. The second shift starts when the first shift ends. When you are on your way home fantasizing about watching Sportscenter all evening, reading the paper, or heading to the driving range, remember that the day is not done. One shift remains. You must now become available to your children. This will look different for every dad. Perhaps there will be a tea party, a wrestling match, or a light saber fight waiting for you (or possibly all three!). This is the second shift.

6) Are you protecting your children?

Do you know what they are watching, listening to, eating? Are you guarding their Internet access? Do you know who they are hanging out with and where? Do you know the ways they are struggling and how they are tempted? Do they know they can run to you as a refuge and an advocate?

7) Are you keeping score?

I sometimes find myself using time with my boys to justify doing my own thing later in the evening. I’ve put my time in, why shouldn’t I be allowed to go hit golf balls or watch TV? This of course begs the question of why I wanted to be with them in the first place. The Gospel calls me to put down my ledger, die to own agenda, and offer myself to my children.

8) Are you confessing your sin?

Fathers have the chance to model what a lifestyle of confession and repentance looks like for their children. They need to hear you say, “Daddy was wrong, Jesus is right.” One of the hardest things to do as a father is admit when you’ve lost your temper, used words inappropriately, and sinned against God. The only way your children will understand sin as sin, is if they hear you confessing it on a regular basis.

9) Are you entering their world?

At times, what I want to do or watch or listen to aligns with the gravitational pull of my oldest son, but this is rare. He prefers to 1981 version of Spider Man, I do not. He wants to jump on the trampoline in the burning heat, I do not. He wants me to chase him around the house a two-hundred times, I am okay with four. But this is his world. I must enter it.

10) Are you loving their mother?

Marriage is perhaps the most overlooked parenting tool. How you treat your wife speaks volumes to your children. They need to know that you cherish her. They need to know how much you value her. They need to know that she was a wife to you before she was a mother to them.

11) Are you a student of them?

TeddTripp in his book, Shepherding A Child’s Heart says that every six months he and his wife think through three questions with their children. 1) Where are they with God? 2) Where are they with others? 3) Where are they with themselves? Heather and I have started this as well. You obviously don’t have to use these questions. The main issue is whether you are studying your children. Do you know their fears? Dreams? Likes? Dislikes? Favorites? Struggles? Idols? Temptations? Temperaments? Friends? You might not answer perfectly on all of these, but you can at least begin to see yourself as a student of your children. You can begin to devote yourself to them the way you devote yourself to your favorite football team, your golf swing, or your career.

12) Are you pursuing the biblical goal for parenting?

Saying the biblical goal for parenting might cause some concern. We are not given one explicit goal for parenting in the Bible. But we are given one explicit, all consuming goal for our lives: the glory of God. Above all else we are called to live for and exult in the glory of God in all things. Therefore, no other goal for our children can suffice. We are to impart to them a vision for making much of God in all that they are and do.

Where do we go from here?

Study Proverbs. Put on your parenting lenses and read the book. Move through it slowly and notice how carefully the father addresses his son. Notice how he warns him, encourages him, and how clear he is on the dangers of sin and the blessings of righteousness. Write a few things down that you might implement in your fathering.

Find a father-mentor. Find a man whose children are devoted Christians and spend some time with him. Ask him what he would do differently. Discuss how he handled the difficult seasons. Find out how he prayed for his sons and daughters.

Read a book on parenting. You might consider: Gospel-Empowered Parenting, Give Them Grace, Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Father Hunger, Get Outta My Face, or What Every Man Wishes His Father Had Told Him.

Pray through these questions. Read the questions again. This time ask God to teach and convict you in areas that need growth and maturity.

Ask your wife. This will be the hardest one. Ask her these questions. How does she view your fathering? She will likely point out some blind spots as well as encourage you in some ways that might surprise you. Receive her feedback with humility and let God use it.

Get to work! Your child needs you now, not when you get everything figured out or life slows down. Be there for them now. Engage them now. Be willing to lose sleep, play less golf, have less money in the bank, and even be less influential at work if it means being a better father to your children.

 GB
2012
07/02
CATEGORY
fathers
2 comments
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